Valentine’s Day 2021

On the 14th February 2021, it will be two years since my beloved wife and soulmate Julie died.  I was heartbroken. Two years have passed and not one day goes by without me thinking of her. Some good things, some funny, some sad. For the first twenty years we were an...

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I have found translating my notes made when Julie was going through the latter stages of her illness extremely emotional.  I thought it would show some of the issues faced by carers’.  That I now believe was wrong, in describing some of the problems day to...

27.3 Julie started to cook not having done so for months, even years. OK but it proved impossible – no potatoes, frying ham, ½ cabbage. Tried to say ok . Julie turned fridge upside down repositioned everything. Told her I had no issues with cooking. She upset but got over when it had gone out of her mind, quite soon 28.3 Had to cancel chiropodist. Julie got mad about me making appointment. She had been before but got really uptight this time. What to do – get on with it as it will be forgotten. It was important for someone to take over her nails, as I had been doing, but noticed nails needed to be shorter and chiropodist had all tools and sitting positions and support

2017 March. Madeira holiday. At airport could not allow me onto assistance bus as not room. Julie said OK, but not as she was distressed when I got on plane and would not speak for half the journey. One night again agitated going to bed and asked are you my husband. Poor bed activity and toilet accident. It is obvious that more than 2 small glasses of wine are affecting her actions. Leg pain and blood caused us to return home early by 2-3 days

Today 2nd May 2020, I have been sad thinking about things that happened. I remember the thoughts and concerns, I had about stimulation, when Julie went into care. Of course it is important but soon she was in a world of her own. Initially we watched ballet and didpuzzles but soon that became too much as she could never get the pieces correctly alighned and the perimeter was completely beyond her. She always liked to read the paper or at least make out that was happening a hark back to the days she was a dynamic newspaper editor. The puzzles got simpler and then too much. Julie used to sit with the cares and close to the dining room and kitchen. It was lively and lots of to and fro and when the carers had there refreshments and rellaxation she would chip in to their conversations. I remember a really sad occasion when we were in Madeira, a favourite destination and were going out for supper. Julie was preparing herself and was a long time, so I peered into the bathroom and found she had put nail varnish on her eyebrows – bright blue. It was funny, sad and frightening all at the same time. I was scared she would damage her eyes. She had also ussed the bidet improperly. So a day of guilty reflections on my part, and how I could have been a better carer