Blog | Care Comfort Compassion

Valentine’s Day 2021

Dec 4, 2020

On the 14th February 2021, it will be two years since my beloved wife and soulmate Julie died. I was heartbroken. Two years have passed and not one day goes by without me thinking of her. Some good things, some funny, some sad. For the first twenty years we were an...

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Jul 9, 2020

I have found translating my notes made when Julie was going through the latter stages of her illness extremely emotional. I thought it would show some of the issues faced by carers’. That I now believe was wrong, in describing some of the problems day to...

10.4 Received Quaker Voices. Very good article on dementia ? The day before I had left meeting worrying about Julie. Cannot leave at all 30.4 Are we married? Do you know my brother? Who are Becky and Tracey, Who is their mother, who are Yanna and Hugo? Everyone who she has loved for years, stayed with, played with etc 1.5 Do you know my brother? Move about my house? No I live here. Who would I tell you have moved in??

Jun 19, 2020

27.3 Julie started to cook not having done so for months, even years. OK but it proved impossible – no potatoes, frying ham, ½ cabbage. Tried to say ok . Julie turned fridge upside down repositioned everything. Told her I had no issues with cooking. She upset but got over when it had gone out of her mind, quite soon 28.3 Had to cancel chiropodist. Julie got mad about me making appointment. She had been before but got really uptight this time. What to do – get on with it as it will be forgotten. It was important for someone to take over her nails, as I had been doing, but noticed nails needed to be shorter and chiropodist had all tools and sitting positions and support

Jun 19, 2020

2017 March. Madeira holiday. At airport could not allow me onto assistance bus as not room. Julie said OK, but not as she was distressed when I got on plane and would not speak for half the journey. One night again agitated going to bed and asked are you my husband. Poor bed activity and toilet accident. It is obvious that more than 2 small glasses of wine are affecting her actions. Leg pain and blood caused us to return home early by 2-3 days

May 20, 2020

Today 2nd May 2020, I have been sad thinking about things that happened. I remember the thoughts and concerns, I had about stimulation, when Julie went into care. Of course it is important but soon she was in a world of her own. Initially we watched ballet and didpuzzles but soon that became too much as she could never get the pieces correctly alighned and the perimeter was completely beyond her. She always liked to read the paper or at least make out that was happening a hark back to the days she was a dynamic newspaper editor. The puzzles got simpler and then too much. Julie used to sit with the cares and close to the dining room and kitchen. It was lively and lots of to and fro and when the carers had there refreshments and rellaxation she would chip in to their conversations. I remember a really sad occasion when we were in Madeira, a favourite destination and were going out for supper. Julie was preparing herself and was a long time, so I peered into the bathroom and found she had put nail varnish on her eyebrows – bright blue. It was funny, sad and frightening all at the same time. I was scared she would damage her eyes. She had also ussed the bidet improperly. So a day of guilty reflections on my part, and how I could have been a better carer

May 2, 2020

21.6 Back to hospital for 1410 appointment 22.6 Gentler day, back home, watch football. Next thing Julie had cast off. I am very worried about lack of support went back to hospital arrived at 2315. All, staff very good. Xray, new back slab. Back home 0200. Bed 23.6 Up at 0830, Julie subdued we’ll see? 29.6 Julie appointment 1640 November 2016 Madeira. Toilet function in bidet? painted eyebrows with nail varnish. Very worried about it getting in her eyes managed to get most off before we went out

Apr 23, 2020

19.6 Finally spoke to Matron who said should have been sorted. Appointment made for 20.6 at 1430. Hospital later ‘phoned. Time and date wrong!!!1st thing Julie agitated and took cast off. Went to see GP Coggan at 1640 no doctor or nurse available even for 2 minutes. Me agitated. Saw Coggan but noticed as we got here Julie had removed her cast. Coggan referred to hospital, nurse dressed would and secured arm// My concern was an infection in an open wound 21.6 Back to hospital for 1410 appointment 22.6 Gentler day, back home, watch football. Next thing Julie had cast off. I am very worried about lack of support went back to hospital arrived at 2315. All, staff very good. Xray, new back slab. Back home 0200. Bed

Apr 17, 2020

17.6 Discharge. At hospital at 0700 Julie up and dressed and agitated. Finally consent form available for brief look by doctor. I pressed for an hour for release documentation to be printed. No consultant available Matron said she would leave on home ‘phone for a return?? She also said anaesthetic caused instability in those with dementia. No message, call Monday supposed to be an appointment

Apr 5, 2020

15.6.16 I guess the first day of actually seeing the effect of lameness. We had returned home from a visit to the hairdressers. I had repaired a step, one of many in our quirky house, and Julie fell up it with a crash and fell heavily. I dashed and saw immediately that her wrist was broken she was in obvious pain but not complaining. Dialled 101 to check on best hospital NO! use 999. The nearest hospital was Clacton but they did not do manipulation but gave morphine and an X ray. Fryatt did not do either so off to Colchester. More painkillers and morphine. Clearly blood from breakage where bone protruding. Knock out sedative to manipulate, release blood and back cast, antibiotics. Stay in overnight. Julie agitated.

Apr 2, 2020